Dang! It's a war

!! this post doubles for Theme thursday's BALL, and the 10th Daughter of Memory's WAR!!

Oct. 02 13, 3:02:05: “or-no gadapples, enter the Snapple woods 'or the unflappability, smoke and dangle a herring, oh you bad-ass, silly head puddin' pie”.

Oct. 02 13, approx. 5:00 am: President of The United States of America awoken by chief of staff and informed of transmitted message from outer space.

Oct. 05 13: message is abandoned as a prank, SETI investigated.

Oct. 31 13, 12:01: Alien spacecraft hover over vacant soccer fields in every European and South American country. The spacecraft appear to be armored octopi of every shape, color, and dimension.

Oct. 31 13, 5:00, approx: SETI staff are released from prison to decipher new message, but their beards get in the way.
A reclusive woman in Ontario while smoking her 2000th cigarette has a premonition that leads scientists to an alien Rosetta stone. The message is translated into gibberish, but reads something to the effect of:
“allow us Garghouls to join your planetary league of Suckerball, or behave to feed you your brains to us.”
The Soccer Federation President agrees with the demands of the Garghouls after the Nigerian team is consumed later in the day. Preparations are made to hold World Cup soccer games ASAP, or sooner.

December 1 13: Garghouls learn many earthly languages and can fluently say “Malingering earthlings, your brains are high in protein” in every tongue, if with an otherworldly accent and lisp. The games are put on the front-burner.

January 1 14: The first ever out-of-cycle and Intergalactic World Cup Soccer games begin. Italy lands in the Space bracket with the Garghouls. The game is lopsided with the Garghouls wearing fluorescent streamers from their tentacles and employing a goalie as wide as a wooly mammoth, and that was only its oral cavity. Every time an Italian fell over and grabbed his shinbone, his brain was eaten. Several Garghoul forwards were red carded for dining on the field which ended badly for the officiating crew, who were summarily drained of their fluids.

January 3 through 7: Throughout the soccer community there is a mighty uproar, and over the following games between the Garghouls, Greece and Turkey, some fans rush the field and pelt the aliens with souvenir programs and blast horns. Garghouls take their ball and leave, vowing revenge on the tasty earthlings.

February 02 14: four months to the day from the initial transmission, fleets of alien warships appear over the great soccer fields of the planet earth, where they are met by painted soccer fans carrying sticks and brandishing sharp rocks. The announcement is made over deafening bullhorns, out of the sky: “Argh, we come to decimate puny earthlings, and score many goals, weak and pathetic whiny and soft pink brain holders. Prepare to serve up your innards.”
The ships land outside of the stadiums and to a tremendous fanfare the Garghoul soccer teams storm the fields with their squads of eleven players, and are easily beaten to death by insane throngs of rapid soccer fans.
Only the Tibetan team is unsuccessful, where the Garghouls successfully score 300 goals then consume the residents as they lay down in peace. The remaining Garghoul team is now on display in a Liverpool zoo where they foolishly skirmish and rugby groupies patrol the perimeter.

February 02 15: The first anniversary of the defeat of the Garghouls is celebrated worldwide, and the alien threat is thought to be extinct, as every inhabitant of the Garghoul world was soccer nutty and gave their lives to the cause of taking the World Cup and gaining universal dominance over the sport. SETI officials scour the galaxy for more signals of wacky aliens.

Long live the Federation Internationale de Football Association.

click picture to enlarge

p.s. this written after a dialogue with Jeff

of IRREX2