Half-Moose with a Twist

Sunday, May 17, 2026

...the good stuff

this is for the 10th Daughter of Memory

The beam was set too low and only burned the hair from his body, that and knocked him back into the kitchen. Poor guy, he wheezed and slumped over the counter gasping.
“Are you alright?” Shit, stupid question. I'm supposed to be killing this guy, not worrying about his health.
“What the fuck!” It wasn't a question. He grabbed at his midsection, where the laser had put a neat hole in his Maui t-shirt.
“Sorry.”
“Who are you...what did you just do to me?” This guy was pissed. Suddenly all feeling left his arms and he collapsed, turning and sliding down the face of the fridge. Damn, he looked like a rag doll; all limp and drooling.
“Ah, I stunned you by mistake; sorry.”
“What? You're sorry.” He was sagging, and the words were coming in lispish spurts.
“Um, yeah; really you should be dead, but I'm not used to this laser. Sorry.” Shit, why do I keep apologizing?
He didn't say anything for awhile. I think he may have realized what the whole thing was about. Certainly no one targeted for elimination is oblivious. For one thing the news is delivered by certified letter.
“I just got back from Hawaii...” Ah, hence the souvenir t-shirt. A silk screened picture of the sunset over a beach and some palm trees. Pretty tacky.
“Uh huh. What was behind the hole?” I set the laser on the counter; it had done its business.
“Pretty lady in a bikini...” Very tacky.
“Sorry,” shit. “So, was it a nice vacation?” The company was good about last vacations. Why not, the poor slob earned it; he had three weeks owed to him. And why not blow your cash wad—it's not like you'll need to save it for a lengthy retirement.
“...got laid.”
“Nice.”
“She stole my wallet. Bitch.” Ha. Why not? She probably knew he wouldn't be missing it for long. Takes a special woman to screw a dead man walking.
“Really...was she worth it?”
“I guess. I'm having trouble breathing.” These new lasers are tricky; the kill switch is temperamental and slides around the barrel sometimes. The setting must have been high on the stun side, though, 'cause this miserable sucker was doubling up. Might have seared his spleen. With fried organs he was as good as dead.
“What line of work were you in?” Should I just do him and get it over with? He seemed to relax; at least that nasty grimace faded off his face.
“I feel better.” Alright, I'll leave the guy be; dead is dead, I'll get my bonus either way.
“Good. I'm sorry for the pain. Can I get you anything?”
He slumped a little more. Gravity was taking him. “There's beer in the fridge; good stuff, too.” Hell yes—good stuff sounded good enough to me.
I had to move him over, under the bread box, to open the fridge. He wasn't kidding; must've dug deep to come up with the good stuff. I'd only ever heard of it, never even saw this shit, let alone tasted it. I pulled the zip lid. “Here's to the good stuff.”
I had to find him a straw. “It's good,” he said between sips.
“Yeah.” I was sitting across from the guy now. I had my own canister.
I reminded him of my earlier question. “I was a, an eliminator,” he stammered. Beer was dripping off his chin, but it made him happy. “I was pretty good; I got a nice place. I get the good stuff.”
Damn; but this guy must be old school, really collected the perks. I never got any fucking good stuff.
“When you been around long as me, you see things. I got enough bonus points to buy off elimination lots. I came up short this time around.” He seemed to be breathing better. His words weren't as labored. His sentences were longer.
“How short...” This was getting weird; I pulled my feet back and started to rise.
“The whore got me a point, and I got my wallet back too.” I noticed he was sitting a little steadier.
“Ah...” I wanted to say something; I wanted to say I never got my elimination letter...
“And you'll give me all I need for another buy out.” The beam shook me like a lightning strike; I no longer had to guess the pain I had inflicted on this guy. “Maybe two.”
He was standing now, had a hand on his stomach. “If I wasn't wearing this reflector-t, I'd of bought it. That's a good strong beam you have there.”
Shit—are you kidding me.
Now I was the poor sucker laying on the floor. “Got any more of that good stuff?” The flash was incredible.