the pitch

 

Tom and Dinosaur Hand review:

A bunch of stuff on the DVR!

Dinosaur Hand: Are you kidding me? Why did we watch so many movies?
Tom: Boredom. We're bored, and look, I hurt my finger!

D.H: Oh, shit. Thanks for not doing that to your Dinosaur Hand!

Tom: Your welcome. Okay, movies. At last count, I think we've watched 12 movies in the last two weeks. Crazy!

D.H: Agreed, and they were just a bunch of flicks that had been on the DVR for awhile. These things needed to be watched. Bad!

Tom: Some of them weren't really good, but I don't think they were bad. Be nice.

D.H: No, I mean, oh heck. Just let's do this. Can I name the movies or what?

Tom: Yeah, we both will. I'll start... First up is Thor: Ragnarok, then Ghost in a Shell, Star Trek Beyond,  Annihilation, and Layer Cake.

D.H: Okay. Also we watched War for the Planet of the Apes, Atomic Blonde, Personal Shopper, Kong: Skull Island, Collateral Beauty, The Age of Adeline, and The Girl on the Train. Cheese, that's a lot!

Tom: Yeah, so which did you like best, Dino?

D.H: Why don't we ask Frankenfinger? Hey, Frankie, feeling better dude? Did you like any of these movies? How about popcorn?

Frankenfinger: Franky like meat, and Ding Dong. Me like itches.

Tom: Bad Idea. The movie I liked best was Annihilation. This was a really surreal film. It was thought provoking, and I will go back and rewatch at some point. It was beautiful to look at, too.

D.H: Yow, it was so confusing and sooo ambiguous. What the hell happened? I don't understand. For me, I liked Atomic Blonde. Man, wow! Guns and cars and punching, bloody fist face punching and exploding faces and hand smacking face crunching faces! 

Atomic Blonde: Face punching fun!

Frankie: Face face face! Bloody face!

Tom: Somehow I knew that would be your choice. My least favorite of these, I think, would have to be Personal Shopper. It was ok. It was weird. Thought provoking surely, but just too slow paced and low budget... Not a lot going on.

D.H: Yeah. Strange. But there were ghosts. Actual Ghosts! So, not my least favorite. Age of Adeline is bottom of the barrel for me. Below the monkeys in the very bottom of the barrel. 

Tom: It was interesting, but not very original. Good choice Dino. Of all these movies, which would you watch again?

D.H: Well, I guess Atomic Blonde, Thor, and Kong. They were violent and funny, and bloody face punching fun! 

Frankenfinger:  Yeah! Bloody face face!

D.H: I like this guy. Can we keep him?

Tom: I liked all of those. I also liked Collateral Beauty. It was funny and sad, and also thought provoking and original. Will Smith is always good. 

D.H: Sure, whatever with provoking thoughts. More movies?

Tom: Let's go!

Tom and Dinosaur Hand review:

The Best movies (that we finally got around to watching) of 2017!

Dinosaur Hand: Geez. We should get out more, eh?

Tom: Sure, but the couch is just sooo comfortable. I looked back to see what we have seen this year, and there were some good movies, and some pretty awful ones. Which do you want to review?

DH: You do the best, I'll do the explosion and gun shooting death flicks. Those movies get my digits wiggling.

Tom: OK. Early in 2017 we got out to see Hidden Figures and La La Land. I know how you feel about musicals Dino...

DH: That jazz guy, he had a cool convertible, but never raced it down an alley way or ran over a bad guy. He never did jazz hands! That movie could have been so much more!

Tom: I liked it. Many didn't, but it had some catchy tunes and it was entertaining. La La Land took a lot of awards. I don't think it will hold up as a great movie though, and i doubt you'll see a resurgence of big budget musicals. Unless Marvel decides to have its superheroes start singing and dancing around. That would be... interesting?

DH: Stupid, that's the word you meant to use. My pick of 2017 is Skull Island!

Tom: That's a good one, Dinosaur Hand.

DH: Get off my review, T. So, this badass movie had choppers getting chomped, and big lizard creatures and bombs and guns. Yeah, all the King Kong stuff you rely on, but none of the suck! Best King Kong remake, so you can skip all that other garbage. Go back and rewatch Fay Wray from 1933 if you have to, but Brie Larson in 2017 kicked monkey butt.

Tom: Except she didn't kick monkey butt, and even if she did, Kong isn't a monkey.

DH: Shut up anyway. Pick another movie.

Tom: Hidden Figures was really good. I liked all the computer spacey stuff and the history and there was fantastic acting. Good casting all around. Sorry Dino, no explosions or anything.

DH: Borrrring. There wasn't even a liftoff, was there? If there was i missed it because I fell asleep in my popcorn. Got a little salt in my eye.

Tom: Good grief.

DH: Next! Blade Runner 2049! Hidden Figures was a science movie, Blade Runner is a science fiction movie! Blam! Pow! Slam dunk, in your chunk, monk!

Tom: ?

DH: I don't know what happened, or why, but it was cool. Was there a wooden sheep too? Cool! Flying cars and blaster shootouts and flying car crashes and robots getting nasty ripping guts and pulling off heads. The sound effects, wow. Ear crunching noises. Weird, but cool. My hand was clenching with excitement.

Tom: I guess you recommend it.

DH: Waiting for Blade Runner 2050, in 2018.

Tom: One more, but I don't consider it A Best Movie, because it sort of wasn't even good. Downsizing, with Matt Damon.

DH: I agree, no explosions or gun fights, and besides all that, it just wasn't all that interesting. Some people got smallercized. So what?

Tom: I know. This movie was like an extra long infomercial, with a bit of social commentary thrown in.

DH: Spoiler Alert: Big time cursing, that was sort of funny, but not as funny as they thought it would be, unless you're really into that sort of thing, which, hey, maybe you are. If you are, then here you go: Poop, poop, poopity poop.

Tom: Yes, on a 5 poop scale, I give Downsizing 4 poops. I don't know for sure what that even means.

DH: Damon's Martian was better. A lot better, and it was full of shit!

Tom: Ha. Oh Dinosaur Hand...

DH: Last review: Get Out. What did you think of that one? It was sort of a horror/suspense movie.

Tom: Yeah, I know, I was there.

DH: Get Out was totally ok. It wasn't really all that scary or even suspenseful, but i liked the premise and it was good enough, and totally watchful. I remember pretty much everything that happened, so it wasn't forgettable.

Tom: Is that your criteria for movies now? Whether or not they're forgettable?

DH: Totally. And if they have lots of violence. So, Get Out was ok by me!

Tom: Thanks, Dinosaur Hand. Hope to see you next year.

DH: Ditto, kerBlam!

Tom & Dinosaur Hand:

Tom and Dinosaur Hand present

Hey, Movies!

Dinosaur Hand: Stop! Before you start looking at your crazy, super eclectic list of movies, let's review something fun!
Tom: Oh. Okay, I like fun too. It's just like sometimes I like movies that make me think and delve deep into the...
D.H: Yeah yeah, blabba blabba. I say cartoons! We have seen a few cartoon in the past six months. Cartoons are FUN!
Tom: Sure. Go ahead then.
D.H: Sweet. Remind me, what cartoons have we seen lately?
Tom: Oh, now you need me. As far as animated features, we've seen a few. Although maybe your viewing could have been a bit foggy through your greasy popcorn fingers.
D.H: Let's not go there.
Tom: I'll rattle off a few, starting with The Lego Movie, Mr. Peabody and Sherman, How to Train your Dragon 2, The Boxtrolls, and Big Hero 6.
D.H: What about Frozen?

Tom: Did you want to admit you saw Frozen?
D.H: I liked Elsa, she was a psycho frozen crazy-ass ice queen bitch. Look at her Eyes!
Tom: Scary. She had mad powers.
D.H: Ooh, ooh! Let me tell you my favoritest of the cartoons. I loved Boxtrolls! Oh, and there was a nutty girl in that movie, too. She was different.
Tom: Winnie? Might you expound a bit? Different?
D.H: Oh, well obviously Winnie is the chick, and she finds Eggs, who is the main character kid who was raised by the Boxtrolls who everyone in the town thinks are dangerous but really aren't so much and Winnie is a bit odd - she is somewhat deranged too, probably has daddy issues- and Winnie likes
danger and gross stuff and helps Eggs ( he wears an egg box ) and I don't want to give anything away, but, everyone lives happily ever after.
Tom: Almost everyone.
D.H: Oh. Yeah, almost everyone. Hee.
Tom: Good movie, stop action. Also Richard Ayoade did the voice of one of the misunderstood thugs. Great voice, funny.
And check out the soundtrack, I especially liked Little Boxes.
Next, did you like The Lego Movie, Dino?
D.H: Are you kidding me? Who didn't? Everything is Awesome!
Tom: Ha, I see what you did there. Lego was pretty manic, way over-the-top, and generally hilarious. It had an Academy Awards nominated song, too.
D.H: Might I say... ridiculous, but Awesome!
Tom: Yes, awesome, and pretty good. If you want to watch one unique animated feature, then this would be the one. It broke a few molds and was intelligent and fun in the process.
D.H: You say process like a smart guy, like it's a hoity toity word or something. I hate it.
Tom: What's next? lotsa movies on the list today.
D.H: Yawn. Um... How to Train your Dragon 2 was fine. It's got dragons - bunches of dragons. Mr. Peabody and Sherman was good. New movie based on an old TV cartoon. Time travel and stuff. Sentimental and fun. Who doesn't like a boy and his dog movies?
Tom: Only this was a dog and his boy. You skipped right by those two. Last review and you can chill, Dino. Big Hero 6; did you like it?
D.H: Uh huh. Disney movie, had all the Disney stuff, like death and cuteness and goofy characters and danger and you know, happy endings. No duckies or kitties. But the robot was fluffy and non-threatening and kind of huggable.

Tom: Yeah, Big Hero was good, but basically formulaic. After seeing this and Frozen, I think Disney has definitely taken a back seat to other studios, like Pixar and even DreamWorks.


D.H: Sure, but what do you know? You're just a shlub with a dinosaur hand!

Tom and Dinosaur Hand:

Tom and Dinosaur Hand present:

Hey, Movies!
Tom: Dinosaur Hand, I think we'll review some, can I say, Mind Bending Movies!
Dinosaur Hand: Hm. You know I prefer car chases, cartoons, and, you know, shapely digits.
Tom: You can pick next time, but today I want to start with Birdman. Birdman stars Micheal Keaton and won a whole slew of Academy Awards.
D.H: That Oscar thingy? Anyway, I sort of liked it. It was kind of a super hero movie, but then again... i guess it wasn't - Birdman was weird. Emma Stone has very nice knuckles, and I can only dream about her toes.

Oh, those eyes!

Tom: Knuckles? You have got to be kidding. Fine, Dino. Birdman wasn't a normal movie, but the camera work and dialogue were outstanding. I couldn't take my eyes off the screen, and every scene was engaging and thought provoking. Edward Norton, while as irritating as ever, was excellent! Everyone was.
D.H: Sure, what else ya got?
Tom: Here's a new favorite: Frequencies. Not to be confused with Frequency, the excellent 2000 "time travel" drama featuring Dennis Quaid.
D.H: Dreamscape! Innerspace! Jaws 3-D!

 this,



not that...

Tom: Frequencies stars nobody I recognize, which is fine. It's an alternate reality type sci-fi movie in which every person has a set frequency which determines their 'luck' in the world. The story revolves around a boy and girl who must limit their time together because their frequencies don't jive.
D.H: That's unfortunate.
Tom: Truly. And so the story goes, and is retold from several angles, with a few twists thrown in. Frequencies is a bit weird, and the most mind bending of the films we've seen for awhile. Loved it.
D.H: Huh. Not enough car chases. Not any, in fact. Some stuff fell out of the sky once. That WAS weird, so yeah. Weird.
Tom: Weird, but not the strangest. Horns takes that prize!
D.H: Oh yea, that was cool, and oh so really really gross and disgusting and wow! Harry Potter is such a potty mouth! With horns -Horny Potty Potter!
Tom: I know. Daniel Radcliff and Juno Temple starred. I've seen Temple in a few obscure movies which I enjoyed, notably Mr. Nobody, and Radcliff has been good in everything lately. The Woman in Black was a very good period thriller.

"oh, Harry..."

D.H: In Horns, Harry Potter grows horns, and he looks evil, and people don't seem to be bothered that he has the horns, and everyone thinks he killed his girlfriend, and they all seem to tell their darkest secrets to him when he is around. Well, Harry is bothered greatly by it all and I guess he acts up a bit. He's going through some tough times. Poor little guy.
Tom: First off, you twit, he is not Harry Potter! And yes, he is upset and vulgar and violent through much of the movie. I wouldn't say I enjoyed Horns, but I would definitely recommend it - Horns was quite a ride.
D.H: Next week, How to Train your Dragon 2 and Quest for Fire! I like fire breathing dragons and naked cave girls.
Tom: In that case we should also watch Dragonheart III, even though it probably sucks.
D.H: Thank you!

ellipsis

Space!

2001. Never happened

Tom and Dinosaur Hand review...

Tom and Dinosaur Hand review: Argo, Lincoln, Life of Pi and The Hobbit.

Dinosaur Hand: Ay caramba, el Tomas! That's a load o'movies!

Tom: I know, Dino. We don't usually see so many new movies, and these were all in the theater, so I guess things are looking up for us.

D.H: Heh, not our bank accounts.

Tom: I think of the four movies, Argo had to be my favorite. Ben Affleck directed and starred, and I gotta say: he knocked it out of the ballpark.

D.H: Yeah, I really liked the part with Sammy Sosa. This was very cool, and all of the explosions and gun runners and drug dealers getting whacked...Steven Seagal in his kimono twisting that machete into his guts...masterful.

Tom: What? Good lord, wrong movie, and Sammy Sosa? Wtf?

D.H: Your baseball metaphor threw me off...like maybe it was an interception, or a butt fumble...I don't know!

Tom: Obviously, Dino, this wasn't your type of movie. It was suspenseful, but not what you'd call violent...I thoroughly enjoyed it however, and so did the two old ladies sitting behind us who couldn't keep their mouths shut, probably because their hearing was shot and they didn't know how loud they were talking.

D.H: Damn, I hate going to movies!





Tom: Next up, a Steven Spielberg movie, and how can you go wrong with Spielberg?

D.H: The man who brought us Jaws, and E.T., and of course Jurassic Park...I jumped clean out of my skin when that T-Rex ate the lawyer! Then I laughed my ass off!

Tom: Right, and he directed great movies like Schindler's List and Saving Private Ryan. Look up his filmography – wow.

D.H: He was the executive producer of Used Cars!

Tom: Um. I enjoyed that. Anyway...Lincoln. Wow, what a wonderfully great movie. And Daniel Day-Lewis gave what is arguably the best performance of his life. I didn't really like (at all) the last couple of movies he was in...but Lincoln was superb.

D.H: There Will be Blood! Where was it?

Tom: C'mon, Dinosaur Hand! Really; this was about politics and the 13^th Amendment, wheeling and dealing in Washington D.C...and Lincoln's woebegone life! It was quite immense. The human parts with his child, and his inconsolably demented wife were so...real.

D.H: Blither. Blither and blather. Blither blather...blah blah blah blah, bleh. And not even any popcorn. Swimming in a sea of popcorn, glub blub, blub.

Dinosaur Hand: I liked Life of Pi! The tiger was pretty awesome. But really, it should have eaten that kid. And there weren't enough shark battles!

Tom: Oh. This is the first movie I've seen in 3-D since Avatar, and if you haven't seen Avatar in 3-D, well then, don't bother seeing Avatar.

D.H: Yeah, that was very cool in 3-D. Totally, dude. Notice the rad hand gesture?

Tom: Indeed. The Life of Pi was interesting. The 3-D didn't add much, but it was visually beautiful to watch. The special effects were amazing. I've read the book...

D.H: Enough about “reading the book”, I know you're going to say the book was better. Some of us don't read, you know.

Tom: Actually, the movie and the book were pretty much the same. I remember liking the book, but not enough to ever reread it, so you may as well see the movie. It was good. Not great.

Dinosaur Hand: Okay, OK, my turn, my pick, the next movie and the last one we saw...was:

Tom: The Hobbit.

D.H: Bah! You stole my thunder!

Tom: I'm about to do more than that. This movie was a major neck aching, butt scrunching, back tweaking yawner.

D.H: But, the dwarfs!

Tom: Who cares. What were their names, who could keep track of them? Sleepy, Sneezy...Dopey?

D.H: Unfair! The orcs! And Gollum!

Tom: I was sooo disappointed in this movie. Everything was over the top... the action scene in the goblin caverns was completely utterly hokum...they made Bilbo into a hero too early – he was doing courageous things that he never succumbed to in Tolkien's magical book. I found myself laughing at the stupidity of the movie more and more every next scene. Peter Jackson, you should have relied on your story telling skills more than Weta Digital's mind numbing special effects. I left the theater with a crick in my neck – because I was holding my head up trying not to fall asleep (though I ought to have let sleep take me) – and an overwhelming feeling of nauseousness.

D.H: But, the eagles, and Gandalf...The Ring!

Tom: Of course there were a few nice parts, but the movie was awash with utter bunk and chaos. And good grief, there are to be two more!? Count me out.

D.H: Are you saying you didn't like The Hobbit, then?

Tom: Go soak yourself in a dish of Palmolive, Dinosaur Hand. We will not be furthering the dismal efforts of Peter Jackson any more.

Stick to the cartoon...it also sucked, but was a lot shorter.

Tom & Dinosaur Hand present:

Movie Reviews!

Dinosaur Hand: I think a lot of time has passed since our last review.

Tom: Right, we've seen a few movies. But let's keep it down to four movies for now.

D.H: Can I pick? Oh please oh please!

Tom: Yup.

D.H: OK; Prometheus, of course, and Lockout. How about Hunger Games too...What else?

Tom: Let's do Woman in Black, we just watched it on DVD a couple nights ago. This film starred Daniel Radcliffe...

D.H: Harry, Harry Potter?

Tom: Yeah, and others, but not too many recognizable faces. His wife is played by the beautiful Sophie Stuckey who gets next to no screen time. This is horror, and psychological thriller. These days it's all about the twist, ala M. Night, but there's not a real big ninety degree angle at the end of Woman in Black.

D.H: how about isosceles?

Tom: Whoa. I'm too far gone from basic trig to even remember what that is Dino. Anyway, Radcliffe plays a Victorian paper pusher whose job is on the line, who lost his wife and is raising his young son with the help of a nanny. The son sees and draws his father as a very sad man, and for much of the film Radcliffe plays it close to the vest. I've always found him rather emotionless, and the character Arthur Kipps is driven only to succeed, expression isn't required to keep up a plodding existence. His son is lonely and pines for his sad father, but the job is the only way to keep the family together.

D.H: Yeah, and the job is deadly, dude! Creepy deepy.

Tom: Right. Woman in Black meanders through dark and ugly avenues the first half, then plunges deep into horror. It's a little bit Ghost Story and little bit The Others with some good old fashioned ghouls and gaunt faced children thrown in just to make you throw a pillow up over your eyes.

D.H: It was alright. Sort of a yawner.

Doesn't she look grand in black?

Tom: Anything without guns chicks and explosions is a sleeper for you, Dino. But I liked it well enough. If you're a fan of the genre, then Woman in Black is a safe bet. I just wish Radcliffe could have channeled some more of his inner Jack Nicholson in the wrap up. Satisfying ending, see it.

D.H: Hunger Games was sort of cool. But it wasn't bloody enough.

Tom: I know, but it was taken very faithfully from a book written mostly for the young adult crowd and it had to have a PG-13 rating. Still, there was plenty of violence. The subject matter demanded death, and death of children to boot. Hunger Games is set in a typical dystopian world where a big evil head seems to dictate what the masses do. I keep thinking John Hurt, he's the perfect big talking head, but in Hunger Games big brother was played by Donald Sutherland. The cast was deep, played over the top by the likes of Stanley Tucci and Elizabeth Banks. Surprisingly Woody Harrelson was a fairly mild mannered drunk. He comes into play more in the following chapters, I imagine. Yes, this is a trilogy, and the first book is the best. I hope the movies will only improve.

D.H: More flaming arrows, please. Katniss is a cutey pie.

Tom: Hunger Games was fine. It was alright. It's worth seeing. Didn't raise the bar and wasn't epic.

D.H: Next...

hunky spaceguy, hot spacechick

Tom: What can I say about Lockout?

D.H: Me. Me me me me me. Fast paced, space stuff, guns, running around and explosions. Hot sweaty space chick, quirky surly bad asses, one liners, no way outs and ridiculous stunts.

Tom: Yeah, Lockout was supposed to be some kind of updated Snake Plissken Escape from NY vehicle, and while I love Guy Pierce to pieces, I don't think the material was there to back him up.

D.H: Yar, he was buff and snarly.

Tom: I can't say enough how good an actor Pierce is. Maybe see Lockout just for him, but honestly I'm surprised he took the part. Maybe he wants to become more mainstream, pump up the old resume, become an A-lister, make a billion before fate strikes him down.

D.H: Mortality man, it's a bummer. Look at these lines on me man, the veins...I gots crinkly fingers, rawr!

Tom: You're pruny, Dino. Lotion up. So, I can't recommend Lockout, even if Dino's getting a cramp thinking about Maggie Grace.

D.H: Big Event, Prometheus! Pow!

Tom: Right, this movie had to be major anticipation for summer movies. The Alien franchise was just begging for something so grand and so epic to come along. And in its way, it was epic.

D.H: Yeah, gnarly gritty space stuff, and creatures, and messy bloody gargling gooieness.

Tom: Um. Not enough scary creatures, considering what's come before. Not enough space and isolation, not enough horror or thrills or sweaty trepidation...

D.H: Eh. We needed more Ripley.

wowz

Tom: I guess the cast was alright. The robot guy was awesome. He was epic. Charlize Theron was cute in her trim fitting captain's uniform. She simply wasn't bad ass enough, there weren't any convincing madmen, just an evil past that seems to have caught up to humanity. Is humanity inherently evil? I guess it's built into the DNA and our destiny is set. I won't delve any deeper into it, there is a lot of mystery build into Prometheus, and I'm pretty sure we fans of the saga would rather have satisfying conclusions and outright scares over more questions and stupidity.

D.H: Uh-huh, he said Stupid!

Tom: Sorry, Prometheus is just a little bit dumb. Still, if you're a big fan of the Alien saga, then it's a must see. So, see it. But expect to be disappointed.

c'mon, wouldn't it be cooler if they had kept their helmets on?

Dinosaur Hand movie review

Tom & Dinosaur Hand present:

French Films. “Oh non!”
Tom: I have been rather engrossed in foreign film lately, and have watched a few noteworthy ones,
Dinosaur Hand: and some that are rather mauvaise.
Tom: What is that you are doing, Dino? It is sort of obscene.
D.H: I am expressing my opinion on your recent choice of movies.
Tom: Point taken. We have seen some modern foreign films, like Amelia and Castaway on the Moon that we're really very good. And some others like The Good, the Bad, the Weird and I'm a Cyborg, but That's Ok that were alright.
D.H: Hey, I liked the cyborg one. Especially the parts where she machine guns everybody to death. Rat-a-tat-tat!
Tom: The last two we watched were French, and classics from the 60's, from the great French directors Jean-Luc Godard and Ingmar Bergman.
D.H: Alphaville and Persona...ack phooie.
Tom: We watched Persona first. I found it very engrossing,and the acting was superb. Dino, did you understand it...at all?
D.H: Pas.
Tom: You don't have to speak in French. You can just shake or nod, or sulk. I promise we'll watch some crazy car chasing gun toting animal mauling slug fest next.
D.H: Oui.
Tom: While I didn't totally understand Persona, I still enjoyed it, and actually I'm pretty sure it's not meant to be totally understood.
D.H: Oh, there's a ringing endorsement. “Go see this movie, because it's unfathomable!” Ding dong.
Tom: Fine. So, Alphaville was totally different. It was quirky as hell, I guess a sci-fi thriller, but with almost no science fiction, or special effects. It was mostly mind bending, I guess...a psychological thriller.
D.H: It's a 60's art film. Gads. It was twisted. It reminded me of something stupid you'd think of. Quack.
Tom: I love you too.
D.H: Ha! I'll bet you think that was original. You twit, she said it herself at the end. But I did like the little joke she told, though I have no idea what it had to do with anything...it was about the 1:19 mark.
Tom: Weirdo. Well, I liked it. It was, to say the least, different. Now, let's find something with lots of bright colors and explosions, right?
Dinosaur Hand: Talk to the hand!

Tom And Dinosaur Hand, movies!

Tom: Me and Dinosaur Hand decided to watch a few movies, including one western called Duck, You Sucker. It's better known as A Fist Full of Dynamite...
Dinosaur Hand: Yeah, but I've never seen either that or this!
Tom: Right, they're the same movie; that's what I'm getting at.
D.H: Oh. Well there's one hell of a big explosion at 2:20. This is a godawful long movie.
Tom: Did you enjoy it, Dino? There were several explosions. Going into a movie called A Fist Full of Dynamite, I guess one would expect that.
D.H: But it was called Duck, You Sucker. We didn't know about the dynamite. Bonus!
Tom: This film was directed by Sergio Leone and stars James Coburn...
D.H: Who was awesome! What a mustache.
Tom: ...and Rod Steiger.
D.H: Was that guy in The Great Escape? Because I loved that movie. Not so many explosions, though.
Tom: Everybody was in that movie.
D.H: Not the Terminator....he wasn't in it!
Tom: I sorta kinda liked this movie. It had a weird soundtrack, but actually got some good reviews in that area. There's an entertaining write up on the movie here. If you're a fan of the Clint Eastwood trilogy, then you'll like this movie, too.
D.H: I say, eh.

Tom: Next up is a more recent thriller called Limitless, starring Bradly Cooper, and some guy called Robert De Niro.
Dinosaur Hand: I like the idea of taking a pill to become smarter, but I always have trouble swallowing them...
Tom: Do you mean swallowing pills or the slightly inane plot of this movie?
D.H: Are you making fun of me? Because, I guess because I can't take the pill, maybe I'm not smart enough to know this movie is dumb? It's a freakin' conundrum!
Tom: Alright, don't get me wrong; I did enjoy the movie, and I liked Cooper in it, and it was shot beautifully with some really cool scenes and great characters...but it had problems.
D.H: ..no car chases or explosions...but a couple cool fight scenes and...ta da...murder!
Tom: Ooh, the plot thickens. If you want to watch a fun thriller, then I'd recommend Limitless.
D.H: Why not?

D.H: Hey, I watched my first Korean movie today!
Tom: Ha. Me too – Castaway on the Moon. It's a S. Korean movie, a comedy/love story about a guy who has lost everything and decides to end it all.
D.H: Only he lives, and winds up on a deserted island, in the middle of the city. Weird. And there's this weirdo girl, too. I kind of dig her.
Tom: She's a sad case. There's a real bond that forms between them. How? You'll have to watch it to find out. I really liked this movie. It was funny, sad, clever, joyful, inspiring...
D.H: Would you say it's a combination of Robinson Crusoe and Castaway? And also maybe Diehard?
Tom: No. You're an idiot.
D.H: I'm a hand. Rawr!

Dinosaur Hand review. ACk!

Dinosaur Hand: Can we watch a cartoon or something?
Tom: Well, I just realized it's been months! Months, I say, since we've done a review, Dino.
D.H: So how come? A lot of movies have come and gone.
Tom: Alright, we just finished watching Revolver. This is a 2005 Guy Ritchie film. You may have heard of him.
D.H: Who? Guy Ritchie? He sounds like someone's sidekick. Maybe Dudeman, or Super HeyYouSuck!
Tom:What?
D.H: I'm not kidding, that's what I thought of Revolver. If I had a head, it would hurt.
Tom:Ha. O.K. Listen, I just looked up a synopsis on Revolver, and I read the whole thing, and guess what?
D.H: didn't I just say my head hurt? I don't feel like guessing. I want a cookie.
Tom: Here it is...even after the Cliff notes, I still don't get it. Even if I go back and watch it again, I still won't get it.
D.H: please, make the next movie a Disney cartoon... *sob.
Tom: Then I read Ebert's review, and I felt a lot better...because he didn't get it either! He thought it was incredibly twisted and mind bendingly stupid!
D.H: blah blah blah.
Tom: However, I kind of liked it. The acting was good, and the soundtrack weirdly reminded me of Amadeus, which is a way cool movie.
D.H: Hey, a bunch of people got offed, at least. There were guns and blood...buckets of blood!
Tom:Great, then you got something out of Revolver, right Dino?
D.H: Weeeeee for Revolver. Amadeus? Not so much...Mo-zert? Wtf is that?
Tom: Next review will for sure be some cartoons...
D.H: ...and cookies!

Tom & Dinosaur Hand

first a quick shout out to Jeff, over at Whatever the Hell he's calling His Blog this week, as he has posted the new Touche' Cliche'...I'll have it up over here at some point, when I can fit it in...

Dinner...and a movie! A Theme Thursday post: Dinosaur Hand: Aha! Something I can really sink my teeth into!
Tom: I'm glad you're excited. Here's the thing, though - we just aren't sophisticated connoisseurs of fine cuisine, you know.
D.H: Speak for yourself, mush-up frog face. I love stuff like rat-a-tatty and horror devourers.
Tom: You mean ratatouille and, oh never mind. Obviously you are more the beans and franks sort.
D.H: ha ha ha ha ha ha.
Tom: Alright; what I was thinking was, we rate our favorite meals, you know, the stuff we cook ourselves, for our family.
D.H: And we grub it down while watching a movie? Excellent!
Tom: Too right; Burn After Reading. One of those great Coen Brother movies.
D.H: Hoo! Remember Fargo? What did we eat with that? Spaghetti?
Tom: What? Who knows. This movie had a great cast, including John Malkovich, Francis McDormand and George Clooney.
D.H: Don't forget Brad Pitt. (snort) He was a riot! What a dope.
Tom: Yeah – I liked this one a lot. It had a couple crude parts, but mostly it was goofy and a rib tickler.
D.H: Ribs?! Are we having ribs with this? Sweet, gooey, finger smacking ribs?
Tom: No, no...but we're cooking, Dinosaur Hand...ready?
D.H: I really like the spatula. Stir the pot, stir the pot. And frosting. And the licking of the batter.
Tom: Right. Now we're getting somewhere. One of my favorite dishes is pork chops over sliced potatoes.
D.H: Fancy.
Tom: Ha. Not really. Remember how we make it?
D.H: O.K. I'll play your game. First, set the oven to 325, then slice up a mess o' spuds.
Tom: Yep – it depends on how many you're cooking for. I figure at least one good size potato per person, but I really like the taters, so I slice more.
Layer the bottom of a 9X13 casserole pan with potatoes and top that with pork chops and sliced onions.
D.H: Onions shmonions. Why is it always onions with you. Are you in love with onions?
Tom: Maybe, a little. Put either water or a half can of broth over the whole bunch, some butter and salt...
D.H: ...then cover with foil and stick in the oven for one point five hours.
Tom: It's so easy that even me and Dino Hand can do it. Almost as easy as boiling water!
D.H: how does that work?
Tom: Okay then, easy as making toast.
D.H: That lever thing always gets me...
Tom: Um, easy as buttering bread?
D.H: ack, who has time for that?!
Tom: Last chance – easy as pie!
D.H: Ta – daaaaaaaa. Winner winner, chicken dinner!

Tom and Dinosaur Hand Review

Dinosaur Hand: I didn't understand the Man who ate Goats!
Tom: No! Dino, the movie is called “Men who stare at Goats”.
D.H: yea, and the goat infarcted and got all ate up, I presume.
Tom: And that's your take on this movie?
D.H: Why don't you laugh at 'infarction'?
Tom: It's not funny...anyway, this movie starred George Clooney, Ewan McGregor, Jeff Bridges and Kevin Spacey.
D.H: ...among others.
Tom: The funny thing is, normally I don't much care for George Clooney, because he's a smarmy dope who mostly plays himself. In this movie everyone else played themselves and George actually acted—it was a breath of fresh air.
D.H: Are you saying you haven't succumbed to the charms of George Clooney?
Tom: Do I think he's 'dreamy'? Um, sorry, I'm sort of in the other camp, Dino.
D.H: Just 'sort of'?
Tom: Shut up, measly appendage. Anyway, The Men... was a quirky movie about the ridiculous ways the government will spend your money and had crazy characters and nothing quite worked out for any of them in the end...
D.H: ...but there was a happy ending, because (spoiler alert) the goats got away!
Tom: Ha, yeah. I guess there was that.
D.H: And an asteroid crashed into the desert and started a huge sandstorm that lasted forty days and forty nights, and grasshoppers ate out their eyeballs and the rivers turned red!
Tom: Um, did you end up watching The Ten Commandments the other night?
D.H: uh, huh, all 6 hours of it. And I ordered you an Ab Cruncher. You can thank me later.

Tom & Dinosaur Hand Review

Dinosaur Hand: Ooh, I liked these movies; where did you pick them up?
Tom: I stopped in at the library after dropping one of the kids off for his jazz practice. They had a whole slew of recent movies.
D.H: Ha, you said slew.
Tom: Yeah; let me guess, you really really liked Lucky # Slevin, didn't you?
D.H: hoo! They was dying left and right in that movie! Right is might!
Tom: Are you ambidextrous?
D.H: No, ambiguous.
Tom: I'm always up for a good action flick, and Slevin was pretty good. The cast includes Josh Hartnett, who has a very easy acting style. I've only seen him in a couple movies before, but this is probably his biggest role. I like him in it.
D.H: yeah, he's cool; but Bruce Willis kills everybody! Twice!
Tom: No. And Lucy Liu is here, too. She plays sweet and quirky. Doesn't karate chop or impale anybody. Kind of out of character for Lucy, eh, Dino?
D.H: I say Lucy who? Did I mention Bruce Willis and his big gun?!
Tom: Fine, Willis kills people. Good action movie, see it. Also on our movie list is The Invention of Lying. What did you think of Lying, Dino?
D.H: Everybody was so stupid in that movie.
Tom: Yeah. The movie was funny, some of it LOL funny. I thought it was needlessly raunchy in the beginning, and a little obvious towards the end. Very anti-religion, so if you fear for your soul, then skip this one..I'm sure the Pope has put Invention on his 'naughty' list.
D.H: I don't remember anybody dying. Were there bombs or anything?
Tom: hmmm. I enjoyed it, almost as much as Ghost Town, which also starred Ricky Gervais—he wrote and directed. Rob Lowe co-starred and was typically smarmy.
D.H: Isn't Jennifer Garner a cutie? I think she should have karate chopped someone. Hard. In the groin!
Tom: ! Knock it off, Dino, this was a comedy, not a murder fest.
D.H: Oh! Can we go to the murder fest? Can we?!!!
Tom: ...no such thing. Yet.

movie review with Tom & Dinosaur Hand!

Dinosaur Hand: We need a plane! Without an airplane we are doooooomed!
Tom: We are not getting a plane.
D.H: then a jet pack, a jet pack!
Tom: That's the last time I watch a disaster movie with you, Dino. When we watched Armageddon you thought we needed a space shuttle, and after Alien it was a flame thrower.
D.H: Hey, that's still on my Christmas list. I'm not forgetting!
Tom: Sheesh. If you haven't guessed, last weekend me and Dinosaur Hand watched the movie 2012, and this is our review.
D.H: Review? How can you review this documentary? It was so real...we are all gonna die.
Tom: It's not real.
D.H: we'll die, liked burnt up marshmallows! Flaming melting burning death!
Tom: So, in this movie, the whole world is coming apart because solar flares are heating up the earth's interior and the upper crust is shifting over the magma.
D.H: magma is nasty. I like saying it to little children: “Magma!”
Tom: Don't. Okay, this movie is way over the top and silly and totally unreal...
D.H: liar liar pants on fire.
Tom: ...and you're all going to say, 'well, so what, it's supposed to be.'
D.H: I didn't say any such thing.
Tom: Fine. The movie is beyond silly; it's just plain stupid. If the earth's interior is heating up, why aren't all the people sweating? Other than falling into holes and being crushed by buildings, nothing much seems out of the ordinary.
D.H: We need to move into the desert. No buildings...oh, but aren't cactuses tall?
Tom: Also, how many times do we have to watch an airplane fly under something big that is falling, or watch an airplane speeding down a disintegrating runway just to fall into a gaping hole, but safely fly out the other side...and if everything else for a hundred miles is falling into a magma pit, how does any portion of a runway exist at all?
D.H: It's fate!
Tom: No standout performances, either. Woody Harrelson plays a nut-job, but what's so unique about that? Wacko is his forte.
D.H: Wasn't there a dog? And some spoiled fat rich kids?
Tom: Of course the rich kids were disgusting, but came around in the end. And the dog lived. Cute.
Toby: Woof!
Tom: Thanks Toby; I give it 3 woofs out of 4. That's on a negative scale, people.
D.H: well, I for one was terrified. Now about that plane...

woof:

Tom and D.H. review Moon and more!

Hi, It's another great Tom and Dinosaur Hand Movie Review!

* and btw, 200th post!!!

Tom: Hi Dinosaur Hand; it's been awhile since we got together for a review.
Dinosaur Hand: To be sure. Ditto. Yeah. Agreed. Phoo.
Tom: Help me to remember the movies we have seen lately...
D.H: I can't think of a one.
Tom: Well, we saw Moon. Oh, Angels and Demons.
D.H: Ooh! Tell me more about the Demons movie!
Tom: Why, you watched it with me; remember?
D.H: No—that was the day you just had to watch Olympic Curling, and that put me to sleep. For the whooooooole day. Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.
Tom: Fine. Angels and Demons was OK. It was better than Da Vinci Code. The book was better, too.
D.H: Who reads?
Tom: Who turns pages?
D.H: Meeeeee!
Tom: If you're into the whole Dan Brown thing, fine; see Angels...Otherwise it's pretty forgettable.
D.H: kind of like curling.
Tom: I like curling!
D.H: Loser.
Tom: How did you feel about Moon?
D.H: The man in the moon?
Tom: Moon was the movie starring Sam Rockwell, and the voice of Kevin Spacey.
D.H: Oh, yeah. The creepy robot. He was sooo mild mannered. And who was the other guy, there were two.
Tom: That was Sam Rockwell.
D.H: No, the other guy that looked just like Sam.
Tom: Yeah. Both guys, the same guy. Both Sam Rockwell. Get it?
D.H: Damn; they can do that? Ain't technology great!?
Tom: What rock did you just crawl out from beneath?
D.H: Mmmm. The slightly greenish one over there. It's very comfortable.
Tom: Sheesh. Anyway, this movie was interesting. Started out as sort of a conundrum, but the mystery was fairly short lived. I thought it would be a little more thought provoking, but it lacked a bit in that department. Too bad, really, because there wasn't much action and the special effects weren't anything too out of this world.
D.H: The two Sams were awesome. They had quite the repertoire going there. Kind of 'hey, who are you' and 'whoa; like you are just like me' and 'Phoo! Hands off my Froot Loops!'
Tom: By the way, none of that was in the film.
D.H: You always spoil my fun.

see more Dino Hand reviews here.

Tom & Dinosaur Hand Review 3 Movies!

Reviews on: Mama Mia, Milk, and Meet the Robinson's.

Dinosaur Hand: Is it an all M's Movie Matinee?
Tom: Clever, but no; just a coincidence.
DH: There are no coincidences...huh, huh?
Tom: Anyway, stopped at the library and picked up these three movies--I remember seeing them all advertised, and their trailers looked pretty good. Also, Milk was highly praised by critics and by fellow bloggers, well one that I remember.
DH: Chocolate.
Tom: Huh?
DH: I highly praise chocolate milk.
Tom: The movie Milk is about the gay struggle during the 70's.
DH: Sure, with all the really bad music is was hard to be happy, fer sure.
Tom: You know, Dino, i was just a kid during the 70's, and i never zoned in on all the civil rights stuff; gays, blacks, women's rights, Vietnam, even anti-semitism. I was eating saltines and was blissfully unaware.
DH: Cookies are better. With milk.
Tom: So this type of movie is a great boon for my generation. I liked one line Milk used in a debate, something like this: 'if it were true that children emulated their teachers, then there'd be a hell of a lot more nuns running around.' Revealing and thought provoking...movies like this help people see beyond their own sheltered lives and invite us to walk in other's shoes.
DH: eh, that leaves me out. I don't even get to turn doorknobs. Fooie.

Tom: Did you like Meet the Robinson's?
DH: It was very colorful. There was a dinosaur, briefly.
Tom: Our copy skipped at the last chapter. We watched the whole thing and missed the ending.
DH: eh, whatever.

Tom: What about Mama Mia?
DH: Singing and dancing, jive turkey, do the hustle, woo woo woo. Moving and a groovin', show me some skin, bro. Woo ha ha!
Tom: This movie musical was upbeat and set around Abba songs, which are for the most part very recognisable and infectious.
DH: So is a rash.
Tom: You've never seen Meryl Streep like this, people. I consider her maybe the best actress of our time, and in this she was way over the top...but it's a musical, so I guess that's good!
DH: Which one was she?
Tom: Dino, she was the lead female!
DH: Mama Mia! No one told me!
Tom: There was no Mama Mia; that was just one of the songs, dufus.
DH: She married Chef Boy R Dee.

Tom: Out of the three I would definitely recommend Milk...
DH: ...just skip the kissing parts.

photo credit: therumour1988's photostream/flickr

Zombieland review

More Tom & Dinosaur Hand Movie Reviews!


Tom: Hey, y’all. Me and Dino Hand with another great review…
Dinosaur Hand: Grrrrr. Fffft, eat eat eat, kill kill KILLLLLL!
Tom: As you can tell, Dinosaur Hand is really excited about this movie; it was right up his alley.

DH: (slobbering, crunching noises).
Tom: Here’s the skinny, we caught a matinee of Zombieland, starring Woody Harrelson and …
DH: Woody was great, he was like, freakin’ croakin’ zombies…he owned them and their little dogs…he made a wall of zombies, he juiced ‘em and rolled them into zombie sausages…Woody taught their babies how to do the zombie mamba; he juggled their heads,…yea Woody ate zombie guts and he
Tom: eesh; knock it off. I guess Dino liked it…a lot.
DH: Woody didn’t even need a gun, he just looked right into their oozing zombie eyes and their heads shriveled and fell off. He bottled zombie mucus and brain for a slushy drink and sold it to filthy zombie-eating cretins!
Tom: yuck. Listen, this was a pretty good movie; lots of action, lots of guts. The acting was good and I liked the commentary by Jessie Eisenberg. Good music, funny cameos. The climax was decent, and like a good comedy/action/horror flick should, it ended happily…oh except for the part where most of human civilization are either dead or zombies.
DH: (lip smacking).
Tom: Dinosaur Hand, you really are decrepit. What's your expert rating?
DH: hee! 4 woo-woos!


Tom: oh, and here’s a head’s up on some fantastic zombie poetry for those who are into a more civilized zombie experience: http://dbqp.blogspot.com/2009/10/zombie-apocalypse.html; Geof has a series of these--read them all!