Part I
*All major highways and main arteries will be equipped with el
ectricity producing surfaces. As tires pass over the surface the friction caused will be collected and flow into the grid. Individual car chips will credit the drivers and they will receive an electric credit.
*Offices will be retrofitted with oval or figure eight tracks, and personnel will be encouraged to walk about on special friction shoes. This will accomplish two tasks: producing adequate energy to run the office, and keeping employees healthy.
*Puppies will be fitted with friction suits because they release much energy into the ether which when harnessed can power major cities.
*All major highways and main arteries will be equipped with el
ectricity producing surfaces. As tires pass over the surface the friction caused will be collected and flow into the grid. Individual car chips will credit the drivers and they will receive an electric credit.*Offices will be retrofitted with oval or figure eight tracks, and personnel will be encouraged to walk about on special friction shoes. This will accomplish two tasks: producing adequate energy to run the office, and keeping employees healthy.
*Puppies will be fitted with friction suits because they release much energy into the ether which when harnessed can power major cities.
Part II
*Automobiles will be produced that run totally on human waste product. Special systems installed in garages will convert the waste into fuel, giving every homeowner a special ‘outhouse’ filling station. This will not only decrease our dependency on foreign oil, it will make the job of water treatment easier on cities--giving us a cleaner environment.
*Cows will be fitted with hoses to collect methane gasses. The gasses will be collected in balloons attached to bovine harnesses, reducing the weight of the animals to such a degree that they will skim the ground.
*Automobiles will be produced that run totally on human waste product. Special systems installed in garages will convert the waste into fuel, giving every homeowner a special ‘outhouse’ filling station. This will not only decrease our dependency on foreign oil, it will make the job of water treatment easier on cities--giving us a cleaner environment.
*Cows will be fitted with hoses to collect methane gasses. The gasses will be collected in balloons attached to bovine harnesses, reducing the weight of the animals to such a degree that they will skim the ground. Result: decreasing green house gasses, and making meatier larger cows that we can eat with less guilt.
Part III
*In the northern regions, ice melt is causing concern for the polar bear population. Special animal trainers will be dispatched into the arctic wild to teach symbiosis classes in which bears, whales, and seals can co-exist, using team work to reach goals, aided by anti-personnel seal machine guns developed by the military.
*In the same vein, Redwood trees can be injected with a malevolent sentience, making them unapproachable by anyone wishing them ill will. Fitted with heat-seeking pinecones, they will be invulnerable.
Drawbacks: The redwood forests might turn on human civilizations in the northwest, driving us from the coastal regions.
*In the northern regions, ice melt is causing concern for the polar bear population. Special animal trainers will be dispatched into the arctic wild to teach symbiosis classes in which bears, whales, and seals can co-exist, using team work to reach goals, aided by anti-personnel seal machine guns developed by the military.
*In the same vein, Redwood trees can be injected with a malevolent sentience, making them unapproachable by anyone wishing them ill will. Fitted with heat-seeking pinecones, they will be invulnerable.
Drawbacks: The redwood forests might turn on human civilizations in the northwest, driving us from the coastal regions.
Part IV
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Instead of exploiting children in third world countries to produce tennis shoes, these children will be locked into a special ozone-producing environment. By frenetic actions they will combine the necessary ozone molecules and blow the O3 back into the stratosphere with special colorful straws. For incentive they will receive cookies and free llama rides.
*
Instead of exploiting children in third world countries to produce tennis shoes, these children will be locked into a special ozone-producing environment. By frenetic actions they will combine the necessary ozone molecules and blow the O3 back into the stratosphere with special colorful straws. For incentive they will receive cookies and free llama rides.Part V
*The moon is leaving the earth’s orbit at 3.8 centimeters per year, but some radicals have announced in an effort to confuse, enrage and deplete humanity’s soul, that the moon hates us and will for now on leave at a quicker rate, perhaps using the energy of meteorite strikes and comet tails to take a sabbatical from our planet, in effort to join its sisters around Uranus. (Boo!)
Solution: By gathering all of our unrecyclables and injecting them into an earthly orbit, enough mass can be produced to create a second moon.
Projected result: This
new moon will be ready for use when the first moon leaves, or the first moon will be content to have a companion and stay.
Happy side effects: We can also deposit our undesirables onto the new moon, where they will experience virtually zero gravity, thus their offspring will have elongated limbs which will be funny to look at.
*The moon is leaving the earth’s orbit at 3.8 centimeters per year, but some radicals have announced in an effort to confuse, enrage and deplete humanity’s soul, that the moon hates us and will for now on leave at a quicker rate, perhaps using the energy of meteorite strikes and comet tails to take a sabbatical from our planet, in effort to join its sisters around Uranus. (Boo!)
Solution: By gathering all of our unrecyclables and injecting them into an earthly orbit, enough mass can be produced to create a second moon.
Projected result: This
new moon will be ready for use when the first moon leaves, or the first moon will be content to have a companion and stay.Happy side effects: We can also deposit our undesirables onto the new moon, where they will experience virtually zero gravity, thus their offspring will have elongated limbs which will be funny to look at.
