'Yall Come on Down to Hose and Tube !

Yo , ‘sup? Hey hey, all that too. Um, here at Hose & Tube we are so desperate for your business, we’d give an arm and a leg, or a leg and half a head, or a torso, or any combination to have your business.

We have pop and chips and coffee and belly dancers and a bear cub and a tiny ventriloquist and Madonna and a hairdresser and a piano player and a full size wax Beatle--don’t know which one--and tubas you can step up to blow and children disguised as midgets and those funny little rat dogs and wallpapering seminars and a platinum blond manicurist and a pencil collection and my mom and my dad and bubble gum for the kids and gopher robots that fetch for you and unicyclists and a rat maze and Gilligan and the internet and free mattress demonstrations and face painting and other stuff as well.

You ask, what for all that? And hey, I’m jiggy and Clutch!
I am saying, it is to get you down to check out our incredible stock of V-hickles for driving about and doing fun in and generally doing stuff!

Just check out this Monitor-hover-blaster chair, in which you can sit! And also watch anything and hover with the blaster jets that keep you comfortably off of the ground! It is great, it is a steal at only two trillion dollars!

What, too expensive; that’s alright, I think the government is looking into selling off Alaska to pick up this little beauty for some top secret thing… but this here pollution powered three wheeler thingy is more in your budget, probably, at only a couple million, we are flexible and financing is available!

Oh, and for you green-thumbers, here is a great little number: It mows, it mulches, it composts, it relocates tubers! You have got to drive this baby to appreciate it, for sure, uh huh! Sure, it’s a little pricey, but so is a good pair of aerating clogs.

Also we have this great Swiss-army Plotting devise that can do ANYTHING !!! Just plug into the head set and go go go. The handles are just for looks, this machine actually does the rest. You say, what do you mean; I say just say the word and the rest is history, I mean, hey you kids, put down Gilligan.

And we stand behind everything we sell-- got a great mechanic who does tricks and commands a great bunch of funny little green men and some shiny robots, I tell you, a crack staff, you bet. Any problem, say pressures low or fluids leaking or malfunctioning ergonomics, our guys can get you up and running and get your seats repositioned and all that, even wipe the road gravel off your visor with a nice soft shammy.

Ok then, come on down, we've got everything going on until midnight, scratch Gilligan; tax consultants will do your income taxes for free and we can sell your children for you! No middleman, see you tonight at Hose & Tube!

SpecificallyHobo-nomics.

Don’t look now … the Hobo-Imperative is now of the Essence and vastly Important !



Go back , confusion is common place and unavoidable, also !


Help is available and only costs one dollar .


Read on !
In one second we will accumulate dust …
My collection is complete !
Welcome to :

Land of Hobo and the mote of a speck (ulation) .

Stop > take 2 steps back and face dark corners then sneeze : Gesundheit !

The receptor antennae sniffed enthusiastic air > it took the joy from my free verse and transposed it into the string of infinity Spackle which began to unweave , thus discombobulating the mechanics along the line .
Iron chunks the size of dump trucks fell from the sky , no longer buoyed by the infinite improbability of the machine factory . The floating behemoth no longer concerned itself with assembly of turrets and mixing of gun powder , but in construction of humming rotors that reverberated like hovering birds and switches that operated as if a concerto of colorful fall leaves , whistling and fluttering from branches , inspired their efforts.

Watch as Machine Philanthropies merge with rampant Hobo Consumerism !

Remnants of Asimovian ideals culled from ancient radio waves collated on my newly charged parser and the current sparked my do-unto-others capacitor . My civic response system overloaded as kum ba yah swelled into Tchaikovsky’s 1812 Overture and erupted my binary spleen . My initial plan was to open a vehicle parts shop , where i could hawk replacement springs and seat covers that glowered with red-eyed skulls : A vision of organics sewn into multitasking robotics materialized in my memory tubes complete with tuber-relocaters , ergonomic correctors , and really big wrench manipulators . There was more , but common sense derailed the details .

Vertigo above Hobo -- A vertiginous and calamitous Boom !

Nausea snuck up from behind as the infinity strings buckled , breaking open the inertia dampers , and topsy-turvies compelled Newton’s law to retreat for a moment before the floating Hell Machines and all their supporting infrastructures flailed around the globe and merged with earth . The concurrent convergence triggered a mighty upheaval , distending the heavy worm trawlers and nutrient-sucking factories , producing the ‘pop’ heard ‘round the world ....... Pop ......... Big Pop .


: Hydraulically-challenged Pencil Pusher .

...........................................................................................Easy-Rider

Quick Thinking in Hobo is a trait of lightening fast synapses !

Without even knowingly thinking it , i leaped into the Pickler’s heavy equipment and cut a couple things out from here to move over there and what i couldn’t realistically paste i redrew with the hydraulic pencil arm , but even faster was the pencil-footed machine drafter which could plot out an infinity strand to the nth degreeXpi. The plan was good , but in one possible future was the remote likelihood of an earth-shattering recall involving a hammer-mobile in which one highly significant part would be incorrectly positioned , thus rendering two-thirds of the planet’s inhabitants brain pooped . i needed to manually erase that strand as my pencil arm wouldn’t rotate correctly . My strap-on eraser soles made the correction easy , and fun !

Evil Lurks in every Light Emitting Diode in the Land of Hobo !

All was seemingly good and well off , and i nearly crowned myself SupremeRobotRuler , when suddenly from knowwhere , because i had earlier guessed correctly where evil would strike from , struck evil …

Gasp!

If this is your vehicle , please return to dealership for repair ASAP ... do not push the big red button .