Tom and Dinosaur Hand present:

Tom & Dinosaur Hand Review!

Movies, and more Movies!

Tom: Hey, Dinosaur Hand, how are you enjoying this snowy January. Oops, doorbell. Hold on a sec, be right back.

Dinosaur Hand: Ho there, he’s gone! Come here Frankie, we’ll do this without him.

Frankenfinger: Yubbajobba! Potato Chip, pork chop.

D.H: First let’s throw out the mamby pamby feel-good stuff, like Green Card. We know he loved it!  So what.
Frankenfinger: Sweet potato fries.
D.H: I say we review some of these awesome science fiction slash fantasy movies. You know, stuff not Oscar-worthy with no redeeming values! What say you, my fine bloody finger friend?
Frankenfinger: Voondervah, don’t burn da wieners!

D.H: First up, an old fantasy from the mid 80’s with Tom Cruise and unicorns and a big ugly demon and fairies and weird impish dudes. Tom said he’d never seen Legend, wanted to know what it was all about.

goofy, impy critters

Frankenfinger: All about poop. Poopy poop, in fact. Me want Cheeto.
D.H: Yes, and very dated and not too good. A Wrinkle in Time was a much-anticipated adaptation of an old kid’s book. It was just okay. Good to see Oprah up and around, eh?
Frankenfinger: OAI! ‘Nuf said.
D.H: I don’t know what that even means. You probably liked Isle of Dogs, didn’t you Frankie? I thought it was mostly stupid, but hey, you can like it, because you know, dogs poop a lot.
Frankenfinger: Sir Poopsalot, that’s my poopy dog!
D.H: And a good one too. Wes Anderson needs to climb out of his goofy pit and join the real world. Blah blah blah. Well, here’s one I did like, it was definitely strange and ultimately apocalyptic. The movie I refer to is… The Lobster! Who knew? This flick was everything but normal.
Frankenfinger: Uh, sure. Me wanna be finger lickin’ chicken. Snarf narf narf. Nom!
D.H: Go on, you nutty bent digit. I don’t know what to say about Under The Skin. There are no words. Oy. Not S. J.’s worst effort, but WTF?

Frankenfinger: Needs more popcorn, an’ butter. OAI! Too much! Gimmie itches in me stitches.
D.H: Again with that acronym! Whatsit? We’ll do one more, before that sappy Tom comes back and wants to review something maudlin, like Benji and Lassie have lunch with Flipper. Gah! I really liked this last one, How to Talk to Girls at Parties. Awesome flick. We gravitated towards it, because it was labeled as science fiction, which I guess it was, kind of.

Who in the hell is Alex Sharp, and why does Nicole look like David Bowie?!

Frankenfinger: Truly, truly OAIs. Where da Whoppers?
D.H: Good night Nellie, enough! What is this OAI shit anyway? Spill it, Frankie.
Frankenfinger: Outrageous Alien Interaction, of course, doofusaur!

D.H: Ah, I get that. This movie was somewhat of a mishmash, but I liked the punk aspect of it, which Tom probably hated. It was sort of a combination of CBGB and ET meets The Munsters. Maybe, don’t know. There was a bicycle at least.  What’s your opinion, Frank?
Frankenfinger: Is there a Coke here anywhere? Me don’t even like movies.
Tom: Okay guys, back atya. It’s go time. 
Tom: Um, what’d I miss?

Tom and Dinosaur Hand review:

A bunch of stuff on the DVR!

Dinosaur Hand: Are you kidding me? Why did we watch so many movies?
Tom: Boredom. We're bored, and look, I hurt my finger!

D.H: Oh, shit. Thanks for not doing that to your Dinosaur Hand!

Tom: Your welcome. Okay, movies. At last count, I think we've watched 12 movies in the last two weeks. Crazy!

D.H: Agreed, and they were just a bunch of flicks that had been on the DVR for awhile. These things needed to be watched. Bad!

Tom: Some of them weren't really good, but I don't think they were bad. Be nice.

D.H: No, I mean, oh heck. Just let's do this. Can I name the movies or what?

Tom: Yeah, we both will. I'll start... First up is Thor: Ragnarok, then Ghost in a Shell, Star Trek Beyond,  Annihilation, and Layer Cake.

D.H: Okay. Also we watched War for the Planet of the Apes, Atomic Blonde, Personal Shopper, Kong: Skull Island, Collateral Beauty, The Age of Adeline, and The Girl on the Train. Cheese, that's a lot!

Tom: Yeah, so which did you like best, Dino?

D.H: Why don't we ask Frankenfinger? Hey, Frankie, feeling better dude? Did you like any of these movies? How about popcorn?

Frankenfinger: Franky like meat, and Ding Dong. Me like itches.

Tom: Bad Idea. The movie I liked best was Annihilation. This was a really surreal film. It was thought provoking, and I will go back and rewatch at some point. It was beautiful to look at, too.

D.H: Yow, it was so confusing and sooo ambiguous. What the hell happened? I don't understand. For me, I liked Atomic Blonde. Man, wow! Guns and cars and punching, bloody fist face punching and exploding faces and hand smacking face crunching faces! 

Atomic Blonde: Face punching fun!

Frankie: Face face face! Bloody face!

Tom: Somehow I knew that would be your choice. My least favorite of these, I think, would have to be Personal Shopper. It was ok. It was weird. Thought provoking surely, but just too slow paced and low budget... Not a lot going on.

D.H: Yeah. Strange. But there were ghosts. Actual Ghosts! So, not my least favorite. Age of Adeline is bottom of the barrel for me. Below the monkeys in the very bottom of the barrel. 

Tom: It was interesting, but not very original. Good choice Dino. Of all these movies, which would you watch again?

D.H: Well, I guess Atomic Blonde, Thor, and Kong. They were violent and funny, and bloody face punching fun! 

Frankenfinger:  Yeah! Bloody face face!

D.H: I like this guy. Can we keep him?

Tom: I liked all of those. I also liked Collateral Beauty. It was funny and sad, and also thought provoking and original. Will Smith is always good. 

D.H: Sure, whatever with provoking thoughts. More movies?

Tom: Let's go!