Bummer and more Questions ?

...can't get into my documents, can't operate my printer/scanner, can't run a virus scan, can't figure this out; what's even scarier is that the Grooliog refegees from Ursa Minor are on their way and killer whales are secretly developing weapons of mass destruction--disguised as herrings. So do i take a chance and fix this 8 year old clunker or go out and get new? I mean, we're all doomed anyway...what to do, what to do!!!!

...driving fast will get you there quicker--good luck with that.

Quixotically

As Festive sat coherent

at the bloodstained booth,

her waitress mopping up

Johnny Depp's unfortunate extra,

Festive created a scenario

in which a nosey black dog

asked multiple questions about

her love life, while licking

dried salt from her post

workout calves.

Do you like tattoos? Are

sideburns a turn-on? From

whence do you come?

Woof? And others

mixed into broken metaphors,

obtusing her head into a pretzel.

Her ideal counterpart

contained no dog parts, but for a

dense tangle of poodle chest fur,

and was unachievable, though

on her treadmill of despair Festive

pursued her sweaty, darkly matted

obsession doggedly,
horsed dually on hie sneakers.

The dog daydreamed

at her feet

and lapped a puddle of

psuedo Depp,

thought himself out of existence;

Today she'd trade windmills for condiments.

Festive leaned on hands

and gleaned a smile

from a columnar flask of pureed tomato/stuff.

whazat?

Before:

...After:

what have i done!!?

future posts may be sporadic, as the machine has been compromised somewhat...may need a professional cleaning, or perhaps a new machine altogether...working on it.

Zombieland review

More Tom & Dinosaur Hand Movie Reviews!


Tom: Hey, y’all. Me and Dino Hand with another great review…
Dinosaur Hand: Grrrrr. Fffft, eat eat eat, kill kill KILLLLLL!
Tom: As you can tell, Dinosaur Hand is really excited about this movie; it was right up his alley.

DH: (slobbering, crunching noises).
Tom: Here’s the skinny, we caught a matinee of Zombieland, starring Woody Harrelson and …
DH: Woody was great, he was like, freakin’ croakin’ zombies…he owned them and their little dogs…he made a wall of zombies, he juiced ‘em and rolled them into zombie sausages…Woody taught their babies how to do the zombie mamba; he juggled their heads,…yea Woody ate zombie guts and he
Tom: eesh; knock it off. I guess Dino liked it…a lot.
DH: Woody didn’t even need a gun, he just looked right into their oozing zombie eyes and their heads shriveled and fell off. He bottled zombie mucus and brain for a slushy drink and sold it to filthy zombie-eating cretins!
Tom: yuck. Listen, this was a pretty good movie; lots of action, lots of guts. The acting was good and I liked the commentary by Jessie Eisenberg. Good music, funny cameos. The climax was decent, and like a good comedy/action/horror flick should, it ended happily…oh except for the part where most of human civilization are either dead or zombies.
DH: (lip smacking).
Tom: Dinosaur Hand, you really are decrepit. What's your expert rating?
DH: hee! 4 woo-woos!


Tom: oh, and here’s a head’s up on some fantastic zombie poetry for those who are into a more civilized zombie experience: http://dbqp.blogspot.com/2009/10/zombie-apocalypse.html; Geof has a series of these--read them all!

Save the Planet, save the People, save the Whales, save me a slice of that pie!

For your Theme Thursday pleasure ( a wee bit early this week, sorrry ) Inventions that will save the Planet :

Part I
*All major highways and main arteries will be equipped with electricity producing surfaces. As tires pass over the surface the friction caused will be collected and flow into the grid. Individual car chips will credit the drivers and they will receive an electric credit.
*Offices will be retrofitted with oval or figure eight tracks, and personnel will be encouraged to walk about on special friction shoes. This will accomplish two tasks: producing adequate energy to run the office, and keeping employees healthy.
*Puppies will be fitted with friction suits because they release much energy into the ether which when harnessed can power major cities.

Part II
*Automobiles will be produced that run totally on human waste product. Special systems installed in garages will convert the waste into fuel, giving every homeowner a special ‘outhouse’ filling station. This will not only decrease our dependency on foreign oil, it will make the job of water treatment easier on cities--giving us a cleaner environment.
*Cows will be fitted with hoses to collect methane gasses. The gasses will be collected in balloons attached to bovine harnesses, reducing the weight of the animals to such a degree that they will skim the ground.

Result: decreasing green house gasses, and making meatier larger cows that we can eat with less guilt.

Part III
*In the northern regions, ice melt is causing concern for the polar bear population. Special animal trainers will be dispatched into the arctic wild to teach symbiosis classes in which bears, whales, and seals can co-exist, using team work to reach goals, aided by anti-personnel seal machine guns developed by the military.
*In the same vein, Redwood trees can be injected with a malevolent sentience, making them unapproachable by anyone wishing them ill will. Fitted with heat-seeking pinecones, they will be invulnerable.
Drawbacks: The redwood forests might turn on human civilizations in the northwest, driving us from the coastal regions.

Part IV
*Instead of exploiting children in third world countries to produce tennis shoes, these children will be locked into a special ozone-producing environment. By frenetic actions they will combine the necessary ozone molecules and blow the O3 back into the stratosphere with special colorful straws. For incentive they will receive cookies and free llama rides.

Part V
*The moon is leaving the earth’s orbit at 3.8 centimeters per year, but some radicals have announced in an effort to confuse, enrage and deplete humanity’s soul, that the moon hates us and will for now on leave at a quicker rate, perhaps using the energy of meteorite strikes and comet tails to take a sabbatical from our planet, in effort to join its sisters around Uranus. (Boo!)
Solution: By gathering all of our unrecyclables and injecting them into an earthly orbit, enough mass can be produced to create a second moon.
Projected result: This new moon will be ready for use when the first moon leaves, or the first moon will be content to have a companion and stay.
Happy side effects: We can also deposit our undesirables onto the new moon, where they will experience virtually zero gravity, thus their offspring will have elongated limbs which will be funny to look at.

A Friend to the End

Alien Aardvark and Tim in
The defragging UFO,
Furthermore sans credible
polarity, said UFO assimilates
incoming refractory bombardments
Thus creating without the aid of
backlight its own shadow,
Choosing to treat shade as a vassal.
Meanwhile Tim instructs
a minor kit UFO rudimentaries,
And Alien Aardvark demonstrates
A tango, having recently inhaled
Froot Loops, a vast improvement
over freeze dried Martian mush.
At the first, thought bubbles
translate complexly, then cease:
Equivalent to mongrel growling
the meaning becomes inconsequential;
Chasing sticks is much the same
everywhere in the universe.
Apparently Alien Aardvark doubles
as a horse, as is evidenced
by abdominal handles;
Hilarity ensues,
oblivious to repercussions
that the anti-gravity micro-germs
will instigate in trees, organically
raised chickens and locomotion.

Thursday...already?

Madness, say thy name!

And the cinquain continues…for those who not know or remember, the structure of a cinquain is 2 syllables, 4, 6, 8 and then 2 again. The verse does not need to rhyme, but why not! This is part 4 or 5...the last installment is here.

I dreamed
I’m in a room
and all the things I kept,
with my collection of keepsakes
I slept.

Awake…
Open my eyes
And there behind my back
His arms raised high above his head
Was Jack.

Away
He did not see
That I had come about
And while he wove about a knife
I shout.

Attack
And so I did,
As he was unaware
Even before I had my wits
The scare!

Whirling
Jack spun about
Ethereal he glowed
And into my hurling body
He flowed.

The blade
That Jack once held
Protruded from my side
And as he was nowhere to see
I’d hide.

This ache
Was quite intense
Fell back upon the floor
Retracted knife out from my rib
And roared.

It’s strange
Then how I felt,
The soreness quickly passed
The lightening bugs flew back to me
At last.

I gazed
About the room
The shelves nailed on the wall,
And everywhere were bottles, jars,
All full.

Touching
My collection,
The odors in my place
The memories I had of her,
Her face….

From the Book of Dante

To summon the necessary Allegory Zebras,
Pasta Imbroglio swallowed the bruised
Globe module
And cracked a frosted ampoule.
When the first futile Gulump
Knelt and felt the vibrations
Within the divining funnel of mortitude,
His life became forfeit and the cone
Was passed to the second.
Another five days and Pasto
Forgave the second with a
Positive sighting and so he flung
The funnel wide out over a
Canyon until it flattened out
And caucused the wind
Then zeroed on the lead
Zebra, a portentous mare, a
Rippled and foamy masthead
Breaking through to the beach
After harrowing the Gap
Of Turpitude.
The funnel spent, Captain Imbroglio
Unfurled his cord of flags and
Transferred power to
The Mouth of Allegory,
Became vice colonel Imbroglio and
Landed his fleet into the
Cove of Pasto, hauled
Over the beach on felled
Trees by the power of
A dozen hundred Galumps
Through a
Wide swath of cut woods,
Done so by the
Serrated bone-arms of a
Dozen hundred more industrious
Galumps, all forfeit to
The excursion, whim of the
Mouth of Allegory,
His random verbal diagrams, his
Horizontal clues and vertical definitions by
Intention instructive, but interpreted as
Cross words;
They toil for the expansion of Allegory,
Sacrificing health to the
Glory of the Mouth,
Throwing themselves on the sword and collected
As souls wailing in the Wood of the Suicides.

take back the roost! and Woolly Worm Report...

The cuckold finch
An urban myth
Snarks with a word,
A subliminal wink.
Messaged in youth
It was Gauguined
When most susceptible
And intra-wired
With glue and feathers.
Indoctrinating its young
The cuckold finch
Makes friends
Out of enemies
Then socially bombards
The SOB’s, turning
Pillow cases into
tainted glycerin,
A blast into statement.
Its web feet
Stem the tide
Fulfilling hornet dreams
Thrumming in V’s
Led by
The cuckold finch
Triumphant in disguise,
Pointedly puncturing
A rapid stinger reset.

one note: last week I avoided squishing a woolly worm on the Greenway, noticing his orange band stretched nearly from head to tail...

prediction?

From a couple searches I have ascertained this means we will have a mild winter.

Well, we'll see--as the temps here have fallen pretty rapidly...it is almost as if October was passed over entirely for November!

picture by Shitao on Flickr.