In Search of Sally!

coming soon to a theatre near ....

It was a sunny day, beautiful for a weekend walk...the 4 yuppy twits gathered their thousand dollar Guchi backpacks and hiking boots into the boot of Dick's Hummer and headed off to the trails...

At the trailhead they geared up and hiked down the path...but Sally needed to pee, and when she took too long to get back, the little group left the trail.... In Search of Sally!

It wasn't long before all were separated and lost, mapless, compassless, clueless...They stumbled over weird knolls and steep ravines...saw strange creatures and odd plants. Oliver's brain was digested by an alieneque sucker plant as he sat on a pocked boulder drinking from his canteen, wiping his sweaty brow. Sally lost her knickers and sunk into a digestive bog. Slurped up, she was forever lost to the group, but living always screaming through mud cake lungs, blinded by goo.

See it, see the terrible end; see Dick and Bobbi hiding under logs to escape the mandibles of the giant buggies locked in a death grip, but ready to give it up for the pleasure of eating soft flesh!

This film not yet rated...except GROSS!

Back in Blogland!

The Perpetual Everything Will Be Alright device was shipped special overnight in a bright orange peanut vest. The easy zip release engaged with a seamless gearshaft and whirred breathlessly, unfolding like a Martian lander then deployed its bleeping sensor, bathing every conscious surface and some hastily hidden bones in a free upgraded red illumination. Alongside the invoice envelope a diode aperture unwound, glowered and televised Icon Mouse the technician who flashed official diagrams into a magnetic retina--warning; do not stare directly at the ocular corona, this instruction will fade after 30 days--dishwasher safe. The Perpetual Everything Will Be Alright device contacted Central Hookups, happily, and blinked a coded message, then shutdown as one screw and the appropriate video feed cables were sold separately. The despondent buyers pushed down the help/assistance button feverishly eight times in a vain attempt to alleviate a heightened sense of urgency, until depression overwhelmed the lot and they fed themselves through the input slot in a unified retrospective of abject lemming ness. Hey!MeaningCo. refunded the account, less shipping, then repackaged the unit complete with Organic Sentience, backordered, ready to ship, also too with disclaimer--cables to be forwarded separately.

Tom & Dinosaur Hand see 3 Movies!!!!

Tom: Gosh Dinosaur Hand, we’ve been to quite a few movies in the past month, haven’t we?
Dinosaur Hand: What, three? Of course we haven’t done anything other than that…unless you count snoring as an activity.
Tom: Hey, some of have jobs, you know…I can’t afford to take you out every night…How ‘bout we go dutch next movie?
D.H: Foo.
Tom: Anyway, we have seen Star Trek, Wolverine, and that bank robber movie with Johnny Depp; what was that called?
D.H: Kill ‘em all! Kill those Coppers! Rob ‘em and kill all the banker‘s asses, yeah!
Tom: Dinosaur Hand! No, bad hand!
D.H. Kill ‘em.
Tom: Oh; Public Enemies, the Johnny Depp movie…tell me Dino, did you like that movie?
D.H: Oh yeah; you call it whatever you want. There was lots of bloody guns and spikes in the head. Bullets right through everybody’s eyeball! Sweet! And terrific molls! Ooh la molls!
Tom: You’re crazy. You just make stuff up. But did you like it?
D.H: Do Eskimo tongues stick to virus infected stainless steel Ufo’s?
Tom: Whatever. Now, about Star Trek; that was pretty violent too, speaking of UFO’s. I guess we don’t have to talk about that…I’m pretty sure we all know how you feel about this movie.
D.H: One thumb up! Dude…the sexy green alien was enough for me! Can you say ‘Spin Off‘?
Tom: Good grief. She was in maybe 2 minutes of the movie.
D.H: yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah Tom: Enough. Put your wiggly fingers away, please. Now, Wolverine…
D.H: Wild Kingdom, dude! It’s zoo time again! Slushy please!
Tom: No, Dinosaur Hand. Geez! The movie Wolverine…starring Hugh Jackman.
D.H: OK, yeah….didn’t he kill all types of people and have a girlfriend and stuff? Then they got to Chernobyl and nuked the world? His brother was troubled or something and the eleven horsemen of the populace invented carbonated napalm and fed dented cans of pork and beans to orphans who grew fins but hid them in specially knitted p.j.’s--but I don’t remember the grandmas doing the knitting, and Leonard Nemoy shows up and sings songs about Bilbo?
Tom: What the…
D.H: It’s true, I read it on the internet!
Tom: Well then, I believe it!

Try something new:
This 2X double entendre
Echolocation vs. ehcolocution
Salve, applied
Liberally,
Or slathered.
It is so specialized,
Percolated in fact
By hand picked mole rats
Strategically dressed
By Alpacan wool junkies
In mauve.
Secretly, then emitted,
Rather secreted properly
Through portal pores and
Reverse squeezed into
Crimped tubes, having
Driven production costs to
Inf-inf + one oh eight.
Tiny indigents hired by
Toothy celebrities expertly
Apply caffeinated logos
With radioactive
Tongue glue--
Please recycle--
Save the earth--
Have you hugged
A whale today? :
Reflective sticky labels
On rolls lifted
Hydraulically
By trained bears
By trained monkeys
By organ grinders grinding
Metallic beardos.
Tour this factory,
Two dollars;
Our ergonomic bullet carts
Zip you inverted
Into pneumatic tubes,
Accessorized in
Packing peanuts
To the very end:
A confectionary ampersand
Gift shop backslash gotcha.

Toby meets the Little Man in my Garden.

Very nice weather this weekend, and we finally got some rain, so the grass is starting to be a little less brown and a bit less crunchy.

.

So Toby and I wandered in and out of the plants and along the bricks picking errant weeds and grass that’s weeded its way into the path or planting beds. I picked, he chewed.

.

“That’s a good boy.” He likes to help, but he is actually always in the way. “Good ‘ole Toby!”
.

“Aye, best weed in the South Farthing.” That was the little man who lives in my garden. He was hanging out under the weeping mulberry, playing mumblety-peg with William Shakespeare.

.

“What?” I recognized the voice, but was confused by the words.
.

“Why ya dunderpuddin’ brain; ya pooldel hugger! Ya said ‘ole Toby, din’t ya? It’s a smokable weed I say, from the South Farthing! Git wit it, dundlepoo!”

.

Must be true, he would know,
.

“Hey,” said I, “I thought you were going to let up on the weeds this year! Look at all these weeds.”

.

“Well, ye booger…ye high flying squasher! Look at that beast! Ahgg! Get it back, I say. That black beast, that coco puff!”
.

Toby was sniffing at the little man. Toby likes chewing on little things like the little man. Toby found a baby sparrow that had fallen from the bird house and was sniffing at it earlier in the month. He gummed it a little, just to get the general taste of baby sparrows, I think, but otherwise was pretty gentle. I investigated and got my ladder out, and a plastic bag to pick up the wee thing, then pushed it back into the birdhouse. If it lived I don’t know.

.

“That’s a dark, crazed mammal with teeth, a hairy pooka bear from Hades! It has beady black eyes and drool!” The little man was actual coherent, in his panic.
.

I pulled Toby back some. I could see where the little man was coming from, because seeing Toby coming at you from eye level can be a bit daunting…he is fast and his white teeth stand out pointedly from his black muzzle. “He’s just a puppy, he’s more curious than anything…he just wants to taste you a little bit.”

.

“What, ahem, flabberty whacking moles and a toaster full of wheezes on you! A pox and red worm drool fits for the Toby monster! Honking wet poodleawhatzits! My bones!”
.

“He’s a poochon, not a whatzits.”

.

“####! More weeds! Willy, hand me the Burpee weed catalogue! Weeds all around!”
.

Shoot, I guess I’d better keep Toby away form the William mulberry tree. I think I’ve got a long season of weed picking ahead of me…sigh.

2wo

My biggest sale yet
Of the Pleistocene bubble wrap
Received international honors
And a Kerplewey Award
From a double-naught contingent
Of ant-spy farmers.
With a fat tolerance
Of eleven micro-noids,
A 5-second
Grab-your-ankles and
Say ‘cheese’ technique*
Was not
Uncommon,
So drones were pretty much safe,
While the grub faction
And her queen
Required a viscous
Shielding agent,
Also available in
The spring catalogue.
*diagram in Chinese.

Immortal torpidity
Shortened to Z
In the personal ads
Is a heavy hitter;
But as a contact number
Is rarely available,
Only members
Will meet in code,
Trading secret handshakes
And duct tape innuendo.
They hobnob then
Dine on fresh meat.
By now all the good ones are taken.

Thursday Shoe Post!

Great moments in Shoe History, not in chronological order!

1) Buster Brown is a comic strip boy--mischievous in every way! Now he is known for selling shoes…how odd!

2) Elves assist an elderly old man in producing shoes…old man pays off by making clothing for elves…elves become slaves for life…old man gets rich by selling shoe company to Buster Brown for a million bucks. flickr pic: Lachlan Hardy

3) Bilbo Baggins forgoes shoe wearing, preferring his furry feet, causing shoe sales to plummet in Hobbiton and surrounding areas. Economic crises ensues, enabling Sauron to build a big tower and look around woefully.

4) Podiatrist to the bugs, Horatio Whatsit creates 100 tiny shoes in a test-tube for his pet centipede.

5)”Don’t Tread on Me” slogan accepted by revolutionaries, but Nike shoe emblem is nixed for the flag design.

6) Old woman who lives in a shoe looking to sell. Shoe is a fixer-upper, but is in a great location close to shopping, schools and mass transmit. A must see!

7) The stiletto--’nuff said.

flickr pic:Francesca Anderson

8) FTD guy puts wings on shoes, halves delivery times.

9) The variety of shoes is diverse…there are walking shoes, running shoes, hiking shoes, bowling shoes, golf, cleat, skate shoes, snow shoes, and untold kinds of dance shoes, and for every sport there is a shoe, there is probably even a couch potato shoe--perhaps it is a slipper!

10) Imelda Marcos had 1060 pairs of shoes…she was a beauty queen and despot!

11) There is a sneaker tree in Nevada, must be true!

flickr pic: George Eastman

12) Famous movie shoes: Dorothy’s Ruby Shoes, Cinderella’s glass slippers, Spicoli banging a tennis shoe on his head..."Whoa, that's my head."

..........So what's your take on shoes?